Life is Not a Balancing Act

People often talk about leading a more "balanced life". It is my belief that this phrase arose from the notion that you can "do (or have) it all". It's a way of expressing a desire to achieve a sense of stability and calmness amid the chaos of a busy life. 

The problem is a balanced life is not possible, nor is it truly desireable. There are a number of reasons why this is the case.​

The Myth

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Balance, by its very nature, is fleeting. Try standing on one foot. Yes, you can do it. But for how long? With practice, you may be able to improve your performance, but you will need to rest and readjust regularly in order to prevent yourself from toppling over.

In addition, priorities, needs, and circumstances are constantly shifting making it necessary to adapt and change. The idea that there is some magic formula we can apply to achieve the permanent end goal of a balanced life is a fantasy. The moment you feel as though equilibrium is within reach, something will change. A new need will arise, upsetting your stability and forcing you to adapt.

Balance also implies equality of importance. In order for something to be balanced, the different elements have to be equally weighted. When it comes to life, responsibilities, and time management, equality is not the goal. Some things simply require more of our time, energy, focus, and commitment than others, and that's a good thing.

Imagine what life would be like if every aspect of our lives (work, family, social interactions, home maintenance, civic duties, personal development, and more) required and received an equal degree of importance and attention. It would be overwhelming and exhausting, to say the least, and oddly enough, it would leave us feeling unbalanced. 

When we speak of balance, what we really mean is that we want to have enough time, energy, and resources to focus on the things that really matter and not neglect the things we value most. 

The Reality

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We all know that there are an infinite number of hours in the day. What we sometimes forget is that we can only do so much in the hours that we have. Author and motivational speaker Jon Acuff stated it well when he said: 

"You don't just give time to something, you take it from something else. To be good at one thing you have to be bad at something else."

In other words, it is necessary to prioritize. If a particular thing is important, then other things must, by necessity, receive less attention. For this reason, I think of life, not as a balancing act, but as a juggling act. Juggling implies a more fluid, changing environment. ​

Think of all the aspects of your life as balls. You can only hold one or two  balls at a time, thus requiring you to juggle. If you try to juggle too many things at once, you will drop some of your balls.

At any given moment, some balls are more important than others. They are made of glass; other balls are made of rubber. You cannot drop a glass ball, or it will break. Rubber balls, on the other hand, are safe to drop because they will bounce and remain intact until you are able to retrieve them.

The secret is to determine which balls are glass and which are rubber, knowing that the nature of the ball will change depending on your circumstances and season of life and personal priorities. Some balls even change in nature during the course of a single day. For example, when you are at work, work requires your focus. It is a glass ball. But when you are at home, other things become more important. 

The key to success is to learn to discern which balls you can afford to drop or set down and which ones you have to keep in the air at any given time. ​When we choose in advance what to focus on and what to ignore, we free ourselves from guilt and shame. Instead of feeling bad about some ball you’ve dropped, you can feel empowered by your own mindfulness in deciding not to pick that ball up to for the time being. 

Master the Basics

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Once you buy into the idea that life is not a balancing act, there is much to learn from the juggling analogy. Consider the following:

• ​Learn to prioritize - Don't waste time and energy juggling unimportant tasks or commitments. Figure out what matters most and place your focus there. As your situation changes, adjust your focus to reflect the natural changes in priorities that result from changing circumstances throughout the day, the week, and so forth. ​
• Keep your eye on the ball - When my daughter is knee deep in a task and her children begin hounding her for attention, she often tells them, "I can only do one thing at a time." This is true for all of us. We like to think that we are expert multitaskers, but the truth is that our brains can only focus on one thing at a time in much the same way a juggler is only able to hold onto one ball at any given moment. 
• Maintain a manageable pace - Life is not a race, and even if it were, it's important to remember, much as the boastful hare discovered, that "the race is not to the swift" (Ecclesiastes 9:11). Rather, "slow and steady wins the race" (idiom). As the Free Dictionary states "Persistent, consistent, and diligent progress, even if it is somewhat slow, will produce better results than rushing to get somewhere or achieve something, as the latter can result in mistakes or may prove unsustainable or unreliable." The faster you juggle, the more likely you are to drop a few balls.
• Take breaks to rest and recuperate - Among our priorities, we need to include self-care, relaxation, meditation, and rest. Juggling can be exhausting. Failing to take time to rejuvenate and make our own well-being a priority can lead, not only to fatigue, but also to frustration, discouragement, and failure. 

If you're tired of trying to achieve the impossible ideal of a balanced life, I encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate your situation. Instead of trying to do it all, make an accessment of what matters most. Give yourself permission to set down some of your balls from time to time. Decide when you can best give time and energy to the things that truly matter in your life. Be mindful in the moment by switching balls out periodically to reflect your priorities. Enjoy focusing your energy, effort, and heart on a few essentials and let the extraneaous balls bounce off into the corner until (and if) you are ready to retrieve them.