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Organizing for the End of Life |
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Estate Planning & Other Considerations
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We often speak of the possibility of death in hush tones, if we address it at all, but the truth is that death is not a mere possibility; it is a very real certainty for all of us. One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves and our loved ones is to plan ahead for the end of life. I'm not talking about morbidly dwelling on the eventuality of our own demise such that we lose sight of living. I'm talking instead about making mindful decisions and setting things in order so that when those final days come, we can focus on what matters most and not be consumed with worry over the mess we're leaving behind. What's more, our loved ones will have fewer difficult decisions to make in the days and weeks that follow our passing.
Organizing for the end of life isn't just about planning for what happens when we die. It's also about planning to spend our final years, however long they may last, in the manner that we desire with as little stress and worry as can reasonably be expected. It's about preparing to live out your life on your own terms. It's never too early to begin thinking about and preparing for that.
Organizing for the end of life isn't just about planning for what happens when we die. It's also about planning to spend our final years, however long they may last, in the manner that we desire with as little stress and worry as can reasonably be expected. It's about preparing to live out your life on your own terms. It's never too early to begin thinking about and preparing for that.
Organizing Your Belongings |
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One way in which we can both prepare to live life on our own terms and spare our loved ones a lot of stress and hassle when we're gone is by developing a healthy relationship with stuff. In her immensely practical book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, Margareta Magnusson outlines an approach to decluttering which she calls dostadning which is derived from the Swedish words for 'death' and 'cleaning'. The concept is simple: get rid of unnecessary belongings while you're healthy and capable rather than leaving it for your loved ones to deal with when you're gone. Margareta states it this way:
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"Do not ever imagine that anyone will wish - or be able - to schedule time off to take care of what you didn't bother to take care of yourself. No matter how much they love you, don't leave this burden to them."
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Despite the somber, moribund title, death cleaning is meant to be a positive experience - one in which you free yourself of unnecessary burdens, thus simplifying your life. It's an opportunity to reminisce about the past while making plans for the future. I like to think of it as positive purging with the focus being on what you are keeping rather than on what you're parting with. Ideally, you should keep only those things that speak to your heart and/or serve a useful purpose in your present life.
If there is something you want to pass on to a loved one, consider giving it to them now, especially if it is something you don't need or use, but don't be offended if your loved ones don't want your stuff. It is, after all, just stuff. It is never a loving gesture to burden someone else. No matter how precious or sentimental an item may be to you, it isn't worth jeopardizing relationships with the people you value the most. Understand that their disinterest is not an expression of their feelings towards you personally or the value they place on your relationship. Rather, it is an articulation of their desired relationship with stuff. Just because your things don't mesh with their decor or appeal to their tastes and interests, that is no indication that they love or respect you any less.
If there is something you want to pass on to a loved one, consider giving it to them now, especially if it is something you don't need or use, but don't be offended if your loved ones don't want your stuff. It is, after all, just stuff. It is never a loving gesture to burden someone else. No matter how precious or sentimental an item may be to you, it isn't worth jeopardizing relationships with the people you value the most. Understand that their disinterest is not an expression of their feelings towards you personally or the value they place on your relationship. Rather, it is an articulation of their desired relationship with stuff. Just because your things don't mesh with their decor or appeal to their tastes and interests, that is no indication that they love or respect you any less.
Important Information |
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One of the most helpful things you can do to get organized for the end of life (both for yourself, and for your loved ones) is to gather important information into one location. Examples of important information you will want to collect include:
- Full legal name
- Social Security number
- Legal residence
- Date and place of birth
- Names and contact information of spouse and children
- Location of birth and death certificates and certificates of marriage, divorce, citizenship, and adoption
- Insurance information (life, health, home, car) with policy numbers and contact information
- Banking information to include name of institution, type of account, and account number
- Sources of income and assets (pension from your employer, IRAs, 401(k)s, interest, etc.)
- Investment income (stocks, bonds, property) and stockbrokers' names and phone numbers
- Copy of most recent income tax return
- Location of most up-to-date will with an original signature
- Location of living will, general and/or durable power of attorney, etc.
- Liabilities, including property tax— what is owed, to whom, and when payments are due
- Mortgages and debts—how and when they are paid
- Car title and registration
- Location of safe deposit box and key
- Location of military records
- Names and contact information for religious leaders
- Password list for important accounts
Legal Considerations |
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A will is a legal document that allows you to determine how your estate will be dispersed when you die. It also allows you to appoint a legal guardian for any minor children you leave behind and provide instructions and funds for their care and upbringing. Your estate includes all the assets and property you own. If you are established in the world, living on your own with assets, you should create a last will and testament. If you have children, you should absolutely create one. There are a number of options for creating a will. Check out this resource on How to Make a Will.
Other legal options to consider implementing include:
Other legal options to consider implementing include:
Health Decisions |
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A variety of options exist for expressing your wishes regarding certain medical treatments in the event you become unable to communicate those wishes to a doctor. Common examples include Do Not Resuscitate orders (often referred to as a DNR), living wills, or advanced directives, These types of documents are legally binding. Your health care provider can help you understand the options and select the one that best meets your needs and desires.
In the event that such a document must be utilized, it relieves your loved ones of the burden of making a very painful decision, one which they might not agree upon. Disagreement over whether or not to keep a loved one alive on life support can lead to long term resentment and blame between family members. By making your wishes known, you are essentially saying to your loved ones, "I've made peace with this decision." In doing so, you give them permission to do the same.
In the event that such a document must be utilized, it relieves your loved ones of the burden of making a very painful decision, one which they might not agree upon. Disagreement over whether or not to keep a loved one alive on life support can lead to long term resentment and blame between family members. By making your wishes known, you are essentially saying to your loved ones, "I've made peace with this decision." In doing so, you give them permission to do the same.
Funeral Planning |
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When considering options for your own funeral and burial, keep the following in mind: while it may be about you, it isn't for you. Funerals are for the living. They provide an opportunity to remember, celebrate, and say goodbye. They are also an important step in achieving closure when it comes to the loss of a loved one. For this reason, I recommend not dictating the details of your funeral to your family. Allow them the freedom to celebrate your life and their love for you in the manner that will be most meaningful and healing for them.
That said, there are some things you can do to help your family with funeral planning. If you have life insurance, make sure the policy information is readily accessible. If you don't have life insurance, consider setting some money aside to cover the expenses for your funeral. Then make sure your executor or a close family member knows where to find the account information. It's also helpful to purchase a burial plot and headstone in advance.
Something else you can do to help your family is to leave a list of accomplishments and major life events to be used in preparing you obituary. Include the following information:
That said, there are some things you can do to help your family with funeral planning. If you have life insurance, make sure the policy information is readily accessible. If you don't have life insurance, consider setting some money aside to cover the expenses for your funeral. Then make sure your executor or a close family member knows where to find the account information. It's also helpful to purchase a burial plot and headstone in advance.
Something else you can do to help your family is to leave a list of accomplishments and major life events to be used in preparing you obituary. Include the following information:
- Employers and dates of employment
- Education and military service
- Memberships in groups and awards received
- Names of parents, spouse, and descendants
While most of us don't like to think about growing old and all that is included in that process, putting some consideration into this inevitable phase of life while you are able to make adjustments and preparations can make a huge difference in the quality of your life when you finally reach that milestone.